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When you go through waves of hardship, your priorities shift. Sometimes pain and heartbreak can make self-care, or the things that were once your biggest priority seem like low hanging fruit. The sad part is, I’ve learned, it is during those times when we need to take care of ourselves the most. Even when it feels impossible.

I started blogging about my fitness journey almost 3 years ago now at a very different place in my life. And I’ve deeply missed it all, not just the blogging part. In my pain, struggles, depression, anxiety, and big life changes, somewhere along the way, I stopped making myself a priority. Recently, I had to have some heart to hearts with myself. I didn’t FEEL good. Physically or mentally. Because what we put into the universe we get out, and it’s the same with our bodies and mind. You put in self-depreciation, sadness, negativity…well you’re going to feel all kinds of bad. Somewhere along the way I think the misconception of self-care being selfish seeped in and tied a pretty tight knot around my heart. So I’ve spent the last few months undoing it.

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SOMEWHERE ALONG THE WAY I THINK THE MISCONCEPTION OF SELF-CARE BEING SELFISH SEEPED IN

AND TIED A PRETTY TIGHT KNOT AROUND MY HEART.

This isn’t the new year talking or some 2019 resolution. As I was undoing that knot, I realized how much I missed fitness and feeding my body what it needs, and avoiding what doesn’t make it feel good. I missed caring for myself. We only have one body, one mind, and our time here isn’t a guarantee. Why spend it feeling worse than you have to?

What I realized getting back into fitness is that what worked for me before, didn’t seem to stick the way it used to. Before, I had a lot more self-motivation to do at home workouts. Maybe it’s the isolation of working for myself and living solo, but I was craving classes, having someone push me a little harder, and having some help to climb this mountain. For years I’ve been wanting to try CrossFit (not gonna lie a was little intimidated) and recently wanted to try it even more after seeing a CrossFit community in Savannah gather around my dear friend, Rachel. And then–as all things seem to–it all came full circle when Rachel saw Kati Breazeal recommend a gym here in Calgary called, Bedrock CrossFit after teaching a seminar there and saying it’s the best gym in Alberta!

Finally, I worked up the nerve to go and give it a try and was met with some of the warmest warmth and kindest humans ever. Dawn, the owner, sat with me one on one, watched my form, strength, and weak spots, she listened to my story, my goals, where I was and where I want to go, and encouraged me to push myself in just the ways I needed. After my intro session, I’m so so stoked to be taking on a new fitness challenge!! For the month of January, I’ll be all in with the Beginners Foundation Program. I’ll be documenting this new journey on Instagram and through a series of blog posts, so look out for those!

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I WANTED TO FEEL GOOD IN MY OWN SKIN AND DISCOVER WHAT THAT MEANT.

The thing I’m most excited about is finding a place that really felt like “me”. In getting to know Dawn and how they do things at Bedrock, I was even more stoked to try and even less intimidated. They’re all about form first, then pushing yourself within your capabilities–instead of just do as many reps as possible as fast as possible and form (and keeping your body safe) goes straight out the window. Understanding what works for your body is key. And that bodies are really made in the kitchen, not the gym. The encouragement of a well-rounded, healthy lifestyle is exactly the kind of vibes I’ve been needing.

Oh, and to add even more awesomeness: they have a nutritionist on staff. So in comes challenge #2! Nurture 28 is a program created by Jenna of Simply Nurtured that we’ve already kicked off. Meeting with Jenna was such a joy. Talk about someone building something beautiful out of a journey with struggle! Jenna’s story resonated with me so much and I was filled with even more heart eye emoji feels when she asked me what my “why” for wanting to get back into fitness was.

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BODIES ARE MADE IN THE KITCHEN

Y’all these two badasses have been such a blessing to get to know and I think that’s what I’m most excited about in diving into this new space: community. These people sweat together, see each other on a regular basis, get to know each other’s stories, families, and share struggles and triumphs. That’s a damn beautiful thing. Besides, there’s no better vulnerability than trying to hold in a fart while deadlifting, amirite?

So obviously I have “number” goals diving back into this journey, and I’m well aware it’s not all going to happen within just a month. In the past, I spent a lot of time obsessing over measurements, and while it’s still nice (and meaningful) to see those numbers drop, this time I want to focus on something wayyy more important. When Jenna reminded me of my “why” for making fitness a priority/wanting to lose weight, it made me check in with myself. When this shit started sticking a few years ago it was because my “why” shifted from being about wanting to change the way I thought others perceived me/saw me physically, to wanting to feel good about myself for myself. It became about me. I wanted to feel good in my own skin and discover what that meant. It became less about the numbers and more about how I felt. So maybe we can’t measure feelings in numbers, but that’s what I want to track throughout this process. Checking in with myself about how I feel, physically and mentally.

So checking in at the beginning of this process, here’s a brain (or heart) dump of how I’m feeling about it all:

  • A little bit nervous (not totally sure why)
  • Really excited to try something new, meet new people, and get back into moving!!
  • Open hearted to see where this takes me
  • Physically, I don’t feel great and I’m looking forward to seeing that change. My nutrition has been pretty off track and I’m realizing just how much that impacts everything else. I haven’t been as active as I’d like and I find that makes me have less energy/feeling pretty down
  • Trying to not be too hard on myself for falling off the wagon and remembering you can always start again tomorrow
  • Trying to not put too much pressure on myself
  • Overall just excited for this new experience

So look out for regular posts on my IG stories, blog/post updates and be sure to check out these two amazing businesses because they’re overflowing with inspiration.

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A huge thank you to Bedrock CrossFit & Simply Nurtured for sponsoring my journey. I could not be more excited to partner with authentic and genuine businesses like these.

 

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